JILLY M. Hongkonger. Gemini. Rat. Born on 23rd May, 1984. Optimistic towards life. Cheerful. Happy. Compassionate. Sociable. Loves writing. My Fictionpress account. Loves Politics. Dreams to be a journalist. Believes in God.
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Music Playing Dido - Life for Rent
^^Lyrics I haven't really ever found a place that I call home I never stick around quite long enough to make it I apologize that once again I'm not in love But it's not as if I mind That your heart ain't exactly breaking
It's just a thought, only a thought
But if my life is for rent and I don't lean to buy Well I deserve nothing more than I get Cos nothing I have is truly mine
I've always thought That I would love to live by the sea To travel the world alone And live my life more simply I have no idea what's happened to that dream Cos there's really nothing left here to stop me
It's just a thought, only a thought
But if my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy Well I deserve nothing more than I get Cos nothing I have is truly mine
While my heart is a shield and I won't let it down While I am so afraid to fail so I won't even try Well how can I say I'm alive
If my life is for rent...
Credits
This is my blogchalk: Hong Kong, Hong Kong, Chinese, English, Jilly, Female, 16-20, Reading newspapers, Writing.
Sorry if you find this site not updating frequently. I am now planning for a new layout, so please, be patient. Last time I got the computer screen frozen, I couldn't save my work that in fact was finished.
Right now, I am working for the Dymocks bookstore. I am so friggin exhausted. But, I wanna let you know that I am still devoted into writing. I am planning several writing projects very soon.
WRITERS WANTED!
If you have any ideas, please do let me know;
Or if you are interested into work together with me for any of the following writing projects, do let me know in a second!!!
1. Personal Collection
2. Short fiction
3. Children's fiction
THANKS A BUNCH!
Theme of the day: coincidence. Why the hell I could meet my friends within an hour in the Central Libarary? First, Yannie, second, Yvonne.
Ok. I am exhausted. I told Melly that I have been non-stop walking for about 8 hours on the street. I am sweating man! I gotta have a rest. I am tired to type a lot. Well, I just sent an email to Zoe, a long one, all about summer jobs.
I gotta go for job interviews anhd graduation dinner tomorrow. Night!
Well, this is an exciting game. I don't wanna work alone. I'm currently looking for buddies and work together on a team. I know writing can make myself happy, in terms of self-expression, healthy mind and wealth. So I'm sure I haven't made a mistake in the first place.
Is Self-Publishing For You?
In sum, you should be:
1. highly motivated
2. specific to serve a small group of people, for example children
3. willing to promote books individually
4. confident that the book can sell at least 500 copies except families and friends
It's easier to self-publish a book than to approach several publishers. Computer softwarers like Pagemaker, In-Design, Publisher or Quark-X-Press with a simple layout can be produced with MS Word.
Okay. Since I'm not sure whether it's feasible for self-publishing, with the fact that it's not popular in Hong Kong, the place where I live in, I am not going to self-publish.
Codepainter is ineterested in knowing the process of publishing. Well, I have a glimpse of knowledge in this field, since I have talked to one of the editors of that publishing company few weeks ago.
How does your book come out from the oven??
1. Enquiries from you, i.e the author
2. Filling in the form involved in personal details, size of the book, size of the paper, no. of copies...
3. You send in the form, the draft of the book, and content page of that book
4. The company will check and read the draft, then they will decide whether this book can be published or not.
5. If yes, luckily, some companies will reply together with the price of the draft within 7 days, but some may take longer.
6. You HAVE TO accept the price (in order to go on the process)
7. You and the company will sign a contract.
8. Typing
9. Editing
10. You proofread the draft of the work.
11. The company will proofread the work to avoid errors.
12. When it's ok, then it will be sent to some printing companies.
13. It's published and is saleable to any markets!
I hope it helps.
At the moment, I'm still thinking of some ideas for the book. First of all, I need to understand what children are mostly likely interested in. In other words, I have to do some market research. That's it for now. I'm exhausted.
Well, I haven't blogged for a while. Yes, a vacation for my mind, my soul and my spirit. I went to Australia for a week. It was great. I felt some aussie culture, like food, drink, lifestyle, languages, music, accents history...etc. Perhaps, I am going to write more about Cairns, Goldcoast and Sydney - places I went to, and put it as part of my portfolio.
I was wondering why people are not responding to my cover letters. I have sent a lot of emails applying for jobs, I mean summer jobs, but none of them replied. I guess this is a sign of total failure? Or it implies I have no ability and qualification for the job? It's disappointing. I realize how I am going through this period of sadness.
2nd of June is the graduation dinner. People will be discussing about their near or far future. What am I going to tell them? Oh well, I have tried looking for jobs, but yes, I couldn't find one finally? Or simply I did nothing?
Maybe the reality is the reality. It is always difficult to find the very first job. I was hoping to find an internship. But oh lord, no replies. Even McDonalds didn't reply either. What's happened? I am going crazy if this life goes on in this way. I hate life like this - if you know what I mean.
I prefer taking my life easier. Living in countryside is my choice. I can write children's book or write only for my portfolio while breathing in fresh air and looking at excellent seaview as well as greeneries.
I don't know what I should do this coming week. Am I lack of competence for the simplest job in this society? If so, how am I going to persuade myself that I am NOT the least competent person here? I wanna cry out loud. But I know this is NOT yet the end of the game yet.
Somehow I am envious of some people who finally got the job but without the stage of searching for jobs. I am confident of myself and my ability, why aren't there people recognizing it?
Perhaps I should go on writing my very first book. This is the way to prove my language ability, my thoughts, my unconcious feelings to the world objects - just to let the world to know I am still existing, and please hire me!
I have plans for the book. I have found some publishers. But I have to invest it for about HK$20,000. Right now I should start planning for the book. I am not going to start by writing a story - that's pretty difficult to think of an exciting plot. Well, a personal collection is an option. I will start writing pieces of personal thoughts. Yup, a really personal collection. If the Ming Man Publishing Ltd isn't going to publish it, okay, I will make it an online e-book, or I will join some self-publishing companies overseas and make further plans.
I should call Jackie to confirm whether we should go on searching for jobs. Or I have options here:
1. Go to Eleanor's place for work (full-time)
2. Go to Melly's place and teach English together (part-time)
3. Volunteer jobs
4. Consult other mature friends
Also, I am going to design a site, a professional one, and a more organized one, so that this blog can become part of my porfolio, keeping my daily thoughts and daily writings. I gotta go for revising French now. Later.
I haven't updated for a period of time. My days went pretty well. As mentioned, I have been cramming books day and night. Yesterday, while I was revising the brain structures, Broca's Area, Wernick's Area...., someone called. I thought it was Yolander or some of my other friends. I didn't expect Vic called me.
I felt her helplessness through the telephone line. She cried and cried, saying that she wanted to die. Why dying? What makes a person feel so worthless at a poing of her life? It's often a matter of love. Love is a miracle, in my opinion. Sometimes love brings hope but sometimes love brings disasters. I think it's because of Vic have loved Tejas too much and she struggled and doubted whether she has done the right thing while breaking up such 'romantic' relationship for the sake of starting a new one.
She has lost. She didn't know what she could do. She kept crying, didn't know how to deal with the situation. In additon to her exams, she was stressed.
While talking to her on the phone, she was contemplating suicide. She tried to cut her hand, so that a lot of blood would flood out of her wound. That was scary. That made me scared too. I was so nervous, I didn't know what to do. I just persuaded her not to do it, and stop doing it. Cutting her hands didn't help her solving the problem.
Yes. I couldn't help her, but at least I supported her. I felt that she was a bit relieved. Okay, perhaps I am not skillful enough in dealing with such situations. For those of you have been depressed or have been feeling worthless to live on, read this:
Dear Friend:
My name is Kenneth. If a friend confided in you with her or his suicidal thoughts and feelings, I am sure you would, out of friendship, listen to and help your friend to see the suicidal thoughts and feelings more realistically. It is this same sense of friendship which has motivated me to prepare this material for you.
I am not a trained psychologist, but I do have a past history of suicidal thoughts, feelings and attempts. About 17 years ago, I took 120 pills all at once because I believed I was not able to carry on. Two days after taking the overdose, I was discovered unconscious and close to death. Through the brilliant and dedicated efforts of the hospital staff, I survived.
In the days following my survival, I realized that I would have to look at the underlying causes of my recurring suicidal thoughts and feelings. With time, I began to recognize that I had my first suicidal thoughts and feelings as a young child. Throughout my youth,
adolescence, and early adulthood, suicide was always a viable option and one considered seriously.
Seventeen years after this near-fatal suicide attempt, I am glad that I found the courage to live and address the many reasons why I was suicidal and depressed. I fortunately had the help of others- friends, family members and a wise psychotherapist.
Seventeen years ago, the future looked too difficult and painful to endure. I can honestly say these past years were not always easy; but looking back, they have been also better than anything I could have imagined.
HERE IS THE GOOD NEWS:
Somehow, I seem to have had the strength to handle situations and issues that were making me very sad, afraid, angry, lonely and hopeless. Even though, at the time, I did not believe I had the will or strength.
In sharing my experience and insights with you, I hope you will take this opportunity to see if any part of my experience is similar to yours and if there are any insights which you can take and apply to yourself -especially when experiencing the powerful and convincing impulse to commit suicide.
People who are genuinely happy rarely commit suicide.
Usually suicidal thoughts and feeling result from depression.
IF YOU SUSPECT THAT DEPRESSION IS PLAYING A KEY ROLE IN YOUR SUICIDAL IMPULSES, there are many effective psychotherapeutic techniques and medications that HELP relieve the excruciating pain of the horrible disease called depression.
If you believe you are depressed, consult a medical professional without delay.
YOU CAN BE HELPED!
The following is not a replacement or substitute for professional counseling. It is designed to share personal experience and insight. In writing this letter, I offer you a beacon of hope without your having to resort to belief or faith.
My hope is that, after reading the following, you will be empowered to see your suicidal impulses with a bit more objectivity and understanding. With this understanding, you will develop a deeper appreciation of the nature of your own thinking and experience.
I have found that in the past, when I had suicidal thoughts and feelings, they became MORE REALISTIC AND REAL every time I dwelt on them; and the more I dwelt on these thoughts and feelings, the more I was "trapped" in their relentless grip.
Suicidal thoughts and feelings are extremely painful and take up a lot of energy. This can leave one feeling further drained and depressed and, as such, further committed to the idea of suicide.
It is a mistake to believe that because one is suicidal that one is also psychologically or emotionally deficient. Many intelligent, caring people have come close to having a brush with death as a result of these thoughts and feelings.
At one point in my life, I believed that my having suicidal thoughts and feelings meant I wanted to die or I didn't want to live. Later I came to see that my having suicidal thoughts and feelings meant I was not getting the full picture of my experience and I had been dwelling on only one aspect of my thoughts and feelings (my suicidal ones) to the exclusion of virtually everything else.
A snapshot of my thoughts and feelings, while I was depressed and suicidal, shows the theme of my suicidal impulses. The basic thoughts and feelings were:
· I should kill myself
· I know how I am going to do it
· If I kill myself all my problems will go away and I will have a fresh start
· Nobody will miss me
· I am just better off dead.
Sometimes I would dwell on, let's say, the idea of "nobody will miss me" and then dwell upon the belief that "I am better off dead". Then, I would think over and over again about how I would kill myself, and then back again to believing nobody would miss me if I were dead.
It is as if suicidal thoughts and feelings can suck us in and keep us thinking more suicidal thoughts and feelings for hours, days, months and years, with little or no relief.
Sometimes I have even asked the difficult question over and over again, why? Or the even more difficult question, why me? I have found that trying to analyze these and other similar questions in order to gain understanding is virtually impossible, and essentially a waste of time and effort.
For the real issue is not about morality, karma, God, or whether people who feel depressed and suicidal deserve this miserable pain. The issue is about how to handle one's suicidal and depressing thoughts and feelings without being pulled into the vortex or center of their storm.
Although, I was receiving considerable support from my therapist and others, I wanted further information, knowledge and understanding. What did I do? I went to the bookstore and discovered the vast world of self-help, personal development and psychological support. I was
amazed to discover the many, possibly hundreds of books which all seemed to have, or purported to have, THE ANSWER.
I was rightfully confused.
I was overwhelmed and very depressed by the question that, if so many people have the answer, why are there so many unhappy people? Oddly enough, I was so depressed by the decision I had to make in choosing a book, that I found myself feeling extremely suicidal once again.
Standing in front of the self-help section of the bookstore, my thinking went something like this:
· I SHOULD KILL MYSELF. I will never be able to find a book which will help.
· I KNOW HOW I AM GOING TO DO IT. If God loved people, He surely wouldn't make life so difficult.
· IF I KILL MYSELF ALL MY PROBLEMS WILL GO AWAY AND I WILL HAVE A FRESH START. Solving my problems seems impossible; I'll never figure it out.
· NOBODY WILL MISS ME. I can't even choose a simple book.
· I AM JUST BETTER OFF DEAD. All these so-called experts just don't understand how bad I feel.
Fortunately, something happened! A voice came over the P.A. system and I was jarred out of my suicidal thoughts and feelings. I quickly chose a book about depression and brought it home and began to read.
After I read the book, I bought and read another and then another and another until I had read every single book I could find, which related to my sadness, grief, disappointment, anger, rage, and utter loss of faith in myself and my ability to be happy ever again.
I read over 100 books and articles. I remember thinking, after this serious reading, that if I could find the common denominator of all these books, theories and teachings, then I would have a possible key to addressing, effectively, the underlying causes of my depression and suicidal feelings.
And so, methodically, I went through the books and articles I had read to find some common thread.
I discovered all the teachings at one point referred to: jotting down thoughts as they come, meditating, prayer, relaxing, contemplating or watching one's breath or listening to one's heartbeat. Often they suggested, as fundamental to the success of their various techniques
"to regularly take some time each and every day to simply listen to yourself, and your thoughts and feelings".
In time, I began to listen regularly to my thoughts and feelings; ESPECIALLY WHEN I was feeling suicidal. Eventually, I discovered that when I was depressed and suicidal, I was only tuning into one very limited aspect of my experience - my depressed and suicidal thoughts.
However, through listening to myself, I was able to hear
and identify other thoughts and feelings. Some of these thoughts and feelings were profound and self-loving and as such, highly useful.
For example:
· I SHOULD KILL MYSELF. I have tried the best I could but it never seems to work out. I have tried all my life to be a good person and I know I am a good person. If they just knew how bad I am feeling, they would understand.
· I KNOW HOW I AM GOING TO DO IT. Why was I treated the way I was treated? Nobody seems to understand. It seems that people who don't care don't get hurt. I care. I care a lot about people. I even care about animals. My stomach is rumbling. I hardly have enough energy to eat.
· IF I KILL MYSELF ALL MY PROBLEMS WILL GO AWAY AND I WILL HAVE A FRESH START. I love myself but I feel like I can't go on. I have had some good times though. But they seem so far away right now. Nothing ever works. I've failed. I'm no good.
· NOBODY WILL MISS ME. Something must be wrong with me. Nobody else feels this way. I seem to have to work so hard just to be happy when for others, happiness comes so easily. I know that if I had the chance, I could figure it out. But I am just so worn out and tired.
· I AM JUST BETTER OFF DEAD. Anything must be better than this. I really need someone to talk to. I wonder who I can call? I just feel so lonely. I wish someone could just hold me.
Of course, I had many more thoughts and feelings sandwiched in between the depressed and suicidal ones. But the little example which I outlined above shows some of the positive, life supporting thoughts and feelings I had:
·I have tried all my life to be a good person and I know I am a good person.
·I care. I care a lot about people.
·I even care about animals.
·I love myself.
·I have had some good times though.
·I know that if I had the chance, I could figure it out.
·I wonder who I can call?
When I began to listen to a BIGGER PICTURE of the thoughts and feelings I was having, I was able to see my suicidal and depressed thoughts, objectively, in the company of other thoughts and feelings.
As a result of this increase in self-awareness or understanding, it seemed as if the magnetism or pull of the depressing and suicidal thoughts and feelings was not as strong.
These painful thoughts and feelings were being "diluted" by an awareness of other (life-supporting) thoughts and feelings.
Gradually, I began to have some hope for the future, a little peace in the present and more understanding of the past.
I have found that if I keep repeating something to myself, then my mood gradually becomes affected by what I am saying.
For example, if I keep saying to myself: War. Famine. Crime. Murder. Pain. Suffering. Unemployment. The Homeless then after a time, I begin to feel depressed and hopeless about all the problems in the world.
By the same token if I repeat words like KINDNESS. GOODWILL. COMPASSION. LOVE. TOLERANCE. PEACE. GENTLENESS - then after just even a few seconds, I start to feel a bit more positive and cheerful and sometimes, people who emulate these qualities come to mind and the whole planet seems less of a cruel, heartless, planet.
Over the years, I have had the opportunity to speak with many people who have felt depressed and suicidal. I have never met anyone who usually enjoyed feeling this way.
I have even been told that people who are feeling suicidal and depressed feelings are "just that way because they want sympathy" and that " all they need is a good kick in the butt to stop them from feeling sorry for themselves."
These statements are sometimes made in an attempt to shock one out of a depressed or suicidal state. However, I have found in the past, these and other similar statements have only led me to feel even more worthless and incapable of breaking through my suffering.
Years ago, a good friend of mine told me that when one is feeling depressed and suicidal, more often than not, insight vanishes and one begins to believe that the pain and suffering will continue for ever. This friend was right. At one point in my life, I believed I was doomed to suffer forever.
From experience I can tell you honestly, The pain and suffering do pass away with time. I find that simply being aware of what it is that I think and feel (without feeling bad about myself because I think or feel as I do) plays a significant role in my increasing happiness.
One of the most interesting things I have learned about thoughts and feelings is that they, by themselves, are neither good nor bad. I discovered, I do not have to act on all the thoughts and feelings which I may have.
One person may think, "I feel like eating a big piece of chocolate cake". And chooses not to eat the cake because he or she has diabetes. Another person who is also diabetic may have the idea and chooses to eat the cake despite the medical condition. In both cases, the thought or feeling to have a big piece of chocolate cake was the same. The decision to act on the thought or feeling was different.
In the same way, when it comes to suicidal thoughts and feelings we can listen to them (often they seem to have a way of making themselves heard), but as humans, we have the ability to realize that our painful thoughts and feelings mean that we are experiencing pain.
Sometimes painful feelings surface as thoughts different from their original cause. In the same way, a very bad toothache can make us snappy or miserable to a loved one whom we would never ever want to hurt.
I am sure, if you and I had the opportunity to talk and you told me your life story, there would be a lot that I COULD LEARN FROM YOU.
You probably have handled situations and issues which were extremely difficult and yet you managed to deal with them with a bit of class, courage and sense of humour.
I have created this letter because of all the help I have received over the years. I want to give back something and help others. As I said previously, in the past, I suffered with my suicidal thoughts and feelings.
Today these thoughts and feelings are no longer a reality in my life.
In sharing my experience with you, I hope you can see that it is very possible and likely, that one day, (maybe today!) you will begin to feel a bit more hopeful about your situation and not feel so bad.
I hope you can see the amount of care I have put into this writing because I intuitively feel there is probably a lot about you that is unique, talented, special, of great value and worth caring about.
When I was feeling very down, and hopeless and powerless, it was good to hear some encouraging words from someone who truly cared. Even though, at first, I did not believe or trust the words, caring or kindness of the person who was helping me.
I have found that true kindness, regardless of how I felt or what I believed at the time, always helped to relieve my horrible pain. You may believe, at this time, nobody would want to help you. I can say,from experience, there are many people who are willing to lend a gentle, caring hand.
ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS ASK FOR HELP.
If you cannot think of anyone, please CALL A CRISIS OR SUICIDE PREVENTION LINE - (see the contact someone! link on this page).
These kind. dedicated and trained people will help you because they genuinely understand. You are not alone; and YES, YOU DO HAVE A FRIEND!
When I was feeling bad and needed their help, THEY HELPED ME A LOT.
Love Kenneth
I hope this helps. I gotta go by the way. Happy Easter!
Ok. I am now on my mom's computer. So I can't change the text style.
Today's fine. I have finished taking UE Writing, Reading and Language Systems and also Practical skills for work and study. The 3 papers are generally fragility-provoking. Yup, I love inventing words, but not in any composition that should be handed in to anyone.
Some evaluations here. I need them, really. I wrote the topic of slimming products on my writing. I love this topic. This is the topic that I gained an A in my Human Relationships exam paper. I got 20 out of 25, an A-grade mark. Therefore, I had great confidence in writing this topic. It was like I recalled what I wrote in the previous mock examination. Hehe. Eleanor was envious because I could apply what I have learnt in other subjects but she couldn't. Yay for Liberal Studies.
For the reading part, I hate the reading passage. OMG, it was so frigging boring. It was briefly about selling flowers and those flower growers got toxicated because of the chemicals used during the production. It was an article extracted from IHT, one of my favorite newspapers. In case you don't know the name, it's International Herald Tribune. I started reading it once I cultivated an interest in going to Pacific Coffee. I wanna kill myself after knowing that I have conmmitted a serious and unforgivable grammatical mistake - I crossed out the 's' from the word 'concern', it should be 'express my concerns' instead of 'express my concern'. Oh shit. WTF! I shoulda believe in my intuition!
Another thing, I doubt whether those Section C (Reading part) paper makers are really and genuinely psychotics. If so, I really want their names and make them part of my site theme. How could a F.7 know the collocations of 'intrigue'. Honestly, I don't. I don't even know the exact meaning. I just guess it whenever I come across this word in the newspapers. That time, according to my intuition, I chose 'intrigued by'. But I checked the dictionary just now, it should be either 'intrigued with' which means arouse one's interest; or 'intrigued against' which means make or carry some secret plans to do something bad. I hate them! Who knows that without checking out in the dictionary??
There was a word 'taboo' in the matching section. If Paula didn't mention this word in class, who could I know? I guess others do not know either. Hopefully, I used this word as part of my title of my writing - "Overweight - a taboo of society?" I am so lucky being taught by her. But what angers me a lot is that - I still haven't received my writing package!!!!!!!!! I am serious and totally furious at the same time. It speant me almost 2 hours of thinking, organizing and the cost is the time spent, plus the number of cells died during the thinking and writing process.
Speaking of the Practical Skills, OMG, what a revolution! There were just 2 tasks. The first one carries 58 marks and the other carries 38 marks. I did the first one first. It was a damn report. I could still remember the format of a report that is in Chinese style. So I wrote with headings. Like, 1. Background / a. What is the programme?....blah I was such a genius! I saw people writing in paragrahs. Hey, I didn't cheat, I just scan through others' papers in a pretty far distance. Eleanor told me she didn't write headings either, she wrote in an article format.
Hehe. I am satisfied. I am looking forward to getting better results in the later subjects. Oh I forgot to tell you: I met the exact same examiners today. I wonder they would go through the entire A-levels together with me. And also, I saw my seat number for Psychology, Geography and Liberal Studies are all 001. As Geography is a comparatively more popular subject than the other 2, I am afraid I am the only candidate in that particular examination centers!!!
Last note: Happy Birthday to my mom. I forgot to buy her something, but anyway, I will print her cards or send an e-card to her later. Then, I gotta practise some english listening tests. Kisses.
I might have been too anxious. I was shivering last night. I couldn't sleep because I was afraid that I would forget what I had learnt previously. Oh my God. Anyway, today has already gone. I am happy to know that the first day of the exam has also gone, that implies, I have a step closer to the summer holiday!!
I have been talking too much about plans in the summer holiday, it's a kind of slip of the tongue. I sometimes speak this word out without knowing what I wanna talk about, well, Jackie knows that pretty well.
Speaking of today, I wanna ask a question: have you ever experienced having examinations together with 6 people? If you haven't, never mind, I am going to tell ya about my experience today, yup, that's what happened today.
It didn't look like an examination room, not at all. I went to the Fukien Secondary School much earlier than the the examination time. But I didn't see anyone standing outside the school gate. I didn't see people wearing casual wear, too. It seemed like I was the earliest, but wait, no. When I reached to 3rd Floor, I saw 4 people sitting around the table, studying. They were all wearing casual wear. And, what they were studying was the same - Chinese. OK, they must be having exams with me. Until 8:25am, 5 minutes before the exam, nobody came. And 8.30am, a person who looked familiar to me stepped out and asked us to go inside the room. I was amazed. She was the oral examiner, I mean the waiting room staff. How come I could meet her again in this examination center? Coincidence, probably. She appeared to be able to recognize me, but anyway, I am not sure.
Today, I have never thought that I could feel that easy, I wasn't nervous as usual. Remember, I was so scared when I was having mock exam in my own school. Iwas, that time, having the exam together with the entire formers, approximately 120 students - now, 7 including myself!!
I still haven't received Paula's writing package - might be - she has already forgotten. Gotta listen to some Chinese programmes to brush up my Chinese listening ability that will be tested tomorrow. Later.
I couldn't sleep. It's difficlut to fall asleep. I was thinking how I would overcome my fear over the A-levels. I'm stressful, seriously. Tuesday is gotta be my first day taking the A-levels exam. I haven't prepared that well but I'll try mybest for the next few days. Yup.
I somehow don't understand why the US government congratulated Prez Chen for succeeding the place in the election. What about Mr. Lien. It was an unfair election, undoubtedly. NOT all people were voting, not to mention those on-guard soldiers. I hope some recounting of votes will be carried out as soon as possible. Even if Mr. Lien couldn't win in tis race, at least, it's better to keep a trust between himself and the people of Taiwan.
Yup, Eleanor and I chatted about our future when we were having dinner.
"We have to work harder next week. Next week determines our fate."
"True. It's an irreversible process. If you fail in it, then you won't be able to get into any uni."
Right. I think I have to work even harder the coming few days. Sorry, I can't write too long. I gotta go back to my books. In the mean time, I am still waiting Paula's writing package. OMG, I miss her, I miss school, I miss those days having normal lessons with Paula... I also miss those days 'pretending' sick and got sick leave.
